jasmine.t
i am nonsensical, violent, cranky, temperamental, stubborn and lazy.
i adore/enjoy beautiful scenery, floral prints, blingblings, photography, supermarkets, ktving, cute stuff, ikea/daiso, blood and gore flicks, gossiping, online shopping and traveling.

i ♥ me, myself and i.



Click Click Click!! (:
life is full of hatred and criticism
Monday, September 21, 2009
it supposed to be a joyous dae bcos my little cousin, isabelle wong, was born today 2o.o9.2oo9 (wad an auspicious date). gonna visit her and my aunt tomorrow night at kk hospital :)

since its a long weekend, my aunt held an advance bdae celebration for her mom and herself at their place. not surprising for my family to hve such gatherings since we hve it so often. at least once a month?

during dinner, i was eating with my sister, bro in law, cousin, uncles and aunties. then, suddenly they start talking about their university syllabus cause my younger cousin is currently pursuing her bachelor degree. i felt so outcast by them bcos i was the only one with diploma certificate in the whole family.

though they won't look down on me cause they know i'm better in other areas, i left the table and join the 'aunty' table. they were talking about my new born cousin, isabelle. so i jus sat there and listen (i hardly talk much or give any opinion when i'm with my relatives/family).

jus as they finish discussing, one of my aunt start asking me about my studies. i told them i've graduated already cause i don't think there's a need to explain about my re-module. so the usual next question come along, so how now? found a job? still finding, i replied reluctantly.

tat's whn they start bombarding me with questions like "wad kind of job? wad position? wna work for my company? ohh so you can do tis and tis, tat and tat? how about helping me with..?" etc. since i'm someone who dislike working in the same company as my relative, i told them i'm currently looking for admin job. and they start questioning me again "huhs? why admin job? diploma student why need to look for admin job? why aren't you looking for a job related to wad you've studied? why why why?" i told them tat designing line is jus too stressful for me, i don't enjoy working. perharps design is jus a hobby to me. then, they asked "which job isn't stressful?". i know all jobs are jus as stressful but i jus can't take such stress whereby i hve to come out with new ideas all the time.

bfore i can explain further which i didn't intend to, my mom told them tat i can't get a job and i'm too lazy to work. i was left dumb fold for a few minutes bcos my mom knows my current situation and future plans well. she knows its difficult for me to look for a job especially whn my highest qualification for the time being is NITEC and need to return to school in the afternoon for my re-module. she is aware tat i've been hunting for job almost everyday and hve been to umpteen interviews the past few weeks. but why did she say tat? why? i asked myself.

my whole mind was full of tears and anger tat i couldn't take it anymore so i went back to the 'university table' again. although they've changed their topic to traveling, i couldn't stay focus on wad they were discussing. words from my relatives keep running through my mind. i couldn't stop probing over wad they've jus said. my eyes were filled with tears tat i had to endure to stay tat forever happy-go-lucky girl character. pretend nothing happened, nothing is troubling me.

watched soccer upstairs in my uncle's room with my sister and bro in law after singing birthday song for my grandaunt and aunt. i got to admit it's the best game i've seen so far but i didn't cheer, i didn't clap, i didn't scream. i jus stared at the television emotionless-ly throughout.

bfore we leave, my aunt asked the same question again and warned me tat it's really bad for my resume if i stay unemployed for such a long time. it's going to affect my future career. its not tat i'm unaware of tat, but you guys know nuts! my eyes filled with tears again so i walked to the car without saying goodbye to everyone.

i know everyone in the family despise me although they didn't say it cause i was born lazy and stupid, thinking tat my mom must hve spoiled me. tat's my own problem. please get your facts right bfore pin pointing me, will you? if my mom spoiled me, i won't even use my own savings to buy cupboard and spectacles, i won't even bother to look for job, i won't even bother to check out any universities i am eligible to attend, etc. jus bcos i'm not a degree student or a smart and obedient girl, doesn't mean i deserve zero respect from any of you.

i even hve the thought of going on a short vacation all by myself without letting anyone know my whereabouts since everyone thinks tat i'm an useless spoiled brat but i'm grateful to hve a wonderful fren who is always there for me whenever i'm down. only in bestie's eyes, i am tat smart and hardworking girl who scored remarkably well in secondary school. even until todae, she thinks tat i'm the smartest cheerful happy-go-lucky girl. knowing tat i definitely can get over with these sarcastic comments.

thank you my dearest bestie, you understand me best. i promise i will stand strong and prove these idiots wrong with my future studies and career.